


still having nightmares

by duelistkingdom



Series: nightmares [1]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! - All Media Types, Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: AND THIS WAS BORN, I don't know why I wrote this, M/M, Post canon, and i guess i started thinking about how horrific half the shit they went through was, atem gets to stay, but that doesn't mean everything's hunky dory, i had a lot of feels writing this, i said sure you can have a happy ending but only if there's like... real consequences
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:35:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26524573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duelistkingdom/pseuds/duelistkingdom
Summary: yugi awakes from a nightmare.
Relationships: Atem/Mutou Yuugi, Mutou Yuugi/Yami Yuugi
Series: nightmares [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1957105
Comments: 4
Kudos: 44





	still having nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> binge wrote this at midnight and publishing it without editing it because i don't need to hurt myself further <3

Yugi had this dream before.

The ceremonial duel goes the same every single time. He reveals the card in the golden sarcophagus to be Monster Reborn and Atem loses the duel. In real life, Atem had gotten to choose to stay in his own body. In real life, Atem chose Yugi over whatever came next. This nightmare didn’t follow real life. Atem doesn’t stay and instead insists he doesn’t belong on Earth anymore. Yugi can’t breathe when Atem says it is time for him to go.

Atem’s eyes are always steeled and unreadable in this dream and that in itself is disturbing. Yugi can’t read him the same way he usually can. It’s like Atem is already distant from the jump. He goes off to the afterlife with a simple thumbs up and no matter how much Yugi doesn’t want Atem to leave, he lets him go. In truth, he wants to scream and beg for Atem to stay in this nightmare. It’s the same nightmare. And Yugi, in this nightmare, can’t remember real life. In fact, real life feels like the dream. He feels like he’s dreaming of an alternate ending where Atem chooses to stay with him, chooses to love him. And Yugi wants to beg for it.

Every single time, he doesn’t. He can’t bring himself to beg, not when Atem is so certain of leaving. He feels the weight in his chest, like he’s drowning. He wants so bad to have that life with Atem, sprawling out so tangibly in his head. He wants to tell Atem so bad that he loves him, to beg him to not leave. He lets Atem leave. The tomb collapses around him and for once, Yugi considers letting it bury him. His friends don’t let him get buried. And the entire world swirls around him and he’s pushing up to the surface. Or well, actually, he’s waking up.

His eyes examine the world around him, his chest heaving with anxiety. No matter how many times he has this dream, it’s always the same reaction to check his surroundings. He was in his room and he knew the game shop was still downstairs. The moonlight was filtering in through his window. And next time was Atem, sleeping peacefully. He liked the way the moonlight filtered onto Atem’s dark skin, really. It made Yugi look so pale in comparison and the moonlight seemed to sap away any color that Yugi’s skin might have otherwise had.

His hands reached out for Atem, pulling him closer. Atem barely reacted. In Yugi’s experience, Atem tended to be a fairly deep sleeper and rarely stirred when Yugi woke from his nightmares. And Yugi couldn’t bring himself to talk to Atem about these nightmares. Not when he still secretly feared that Atem regretted taking this second chance on life. The fear wasn’t going away and Yugi didn’t know what to do. Perhaps he should consider therapy but something about admitting that there was a problem scared Yugi too. It was like admitting that all the years of trauma got to him and it made him feel weak compared to everyone else who seemed to be adjusting easier.

Or maybe they weren’t. Yugi supposed he wouldn’t know when he refused to talk about any of it. Perhaps he wasn’t the only one secretly weighed down by the terror of losing Atem. He supposed his friends might agree that it was terrifying to think Atem might be gone forever. He wondered if any of them had the same nightmare. He had thought his only option was talk to Atem or keep it bottled up but he supposed that wasn’t true. Jonouchi, Anzu, or Honda might understand Yugi’s occasional nightmares about Atem leaving forever. It’d only been three months since Atem got his second chance at life, a chance to actually grow up and yet Yugi was still terrified the Gods might change their mind and take Atem away again.

Yugi realized that was the first time he actively admitted to that fear. It was so deep and primal that he wasn’t even sure if it made sense as a fear. He could ask Atem if the Egyptian Gods could revoke Atem’s second chance at life but he was scared that the answer would be yes. He supposed he was scared of a lot of things, really. He thought he was done with being scared after nearly dying for the fiftieth time but he supposed one was never really done with being scared. Turns out when one really loves someone, fear of losing them was always in the back of one’s mind. Especially considering how close he had come to actually losing Atem.

He traced out the details of Atem’s face, admiring the sharpness of his jaw and his high cheekbones. Everything about his face was so regal compared to how soft Yugi’s own face was. To Yugi, Atem was breathtaking and Atem seemed very well aware that he was considered attractive. Atem suddenly moved and Yugi held his breath, fearing he may have woken Atem. To his great relief, Atem merely settled on his back and he was still asleep. Yugi traced out the shape of Atem’s lips, breathlessly wondering how he got so lucky to have Atem actually stay with him. This beautiful man laying next to him was his and that was a little hard to wrap his head around.

This was probably the crutch of his fear, actually. It simply seemed too good for him to believe after four years of worrying about dying. All the horror leading up to a simple moment of lying in bed next to someone Yugi feared he’d lose forever... it just seemed to simple. Too gentle. He almost expected another threat at any given minute. But it never came. Perhaps it was true that they could finally relax.

Suddenly, Atem began to stir and seemed disoriented when he finally woke. “Aibou,” he said, half awake, “Aibou, are you awake?”

“Yeah,” he said softly, not wanting to wake anyone else in the house as he curled into Atem’s chest, tracing out gentle patterns into Atem’s chest. “Yeah, I’m awake.”

“You shouldn’t be,” Atem half teased as his arms wrapped tight around Yugi, pulling him closer and humming softly. Despite his gentle tease, Atem was grateful that Yugi was awake when he woke. He didn’t like to admit it, but sometimes his sleep was interrupted by nightmares. Perhaps he was still a touch traumatized from the truth of his past that came from betrayal by his own family in the past. Perhaps it was everything that he’d done since being awoken from the puzzle that haunted him. Either way, his nightmares were confusing and disjointed. “Tell me, aibou, why are you awake?”

Yugi stilled and for a moment, Atem believed that Yugi had simply fell back asleep. Atem couldn’t say how long before Yugi finally spoke again. “I had a nightmare,” Yugi admitted and once he admitted to that, he couldn’t stop admitting to what’s been weighing on his mind. It spilled out all at once, like when one is sick and tries to hold back the bile from coming up but when it finally broke loose, it was unstoppable. “I’ve been having nightmares... about the ceremonial duel. About what was supposed to happen. You know, you were supposed to leave. And I keep dreaming about you actually leaving and I... I dream that I want to ask you to stay but I can’t say anything. And I know we don’t talk about it, but I just...”

Yugi was rambling. In Atem’s experience, it was generally good to let Yugi ramble to get something off his chest but this... was too much for Atem. Instead of letting Yugi finish as he normally would, Atem cut him off with a kiss. A very fierce one, possessive even. Yugi gave a muffled noise of protest that went away, his hands reaching up to cup Atem’s jaw as Atem’s hands ran up under Yugi’s pajama top. Oh, how kissing Yugi was one of Atem’s favorite activities now. He didn’t know how had he ever lived without it, really. The warmth and comfort of Yugi being this close to him was enough to help him recenter himself.

He’d once said Yugi was the light and he stood by that. Yugi was like the sun and he was addicted to the warmth he provided. And oh, did he have nightmares of losing Yugi too. He could never forget his biggest mistake, how he had gambled Yugi’s soul unaware and lost. He had been so desperate to have Yugi back that he could barely remember half his actions taken at the time. It was still seared in his mind, the minute he watched Yugi’s soul be claimed. It surprised him to learn that Yugi had similar nightmares. He didn’t understand how Yugi could ever think that he’d want willingly leave Yugi’s side. Atem had done far crazier things in the name of protecting Yugi. Then again...

“Aibou, I know that duel was scary for you,” Atem said softly, well aware nothing he said about how he said he would stay would change anything. He didn’t know the context of Yugi’s dream well enough to make any assurances. He didn’t want to lie to Yugi anymore. He’d done enough lying for a lifetime, he’d decided. “If there is anything I can do to help, please... just tell me. I’ll do anything if it means you’d never have another nightmare again.”

Atem’s hands had moved to cup Yugi’s cheeks, his thumb gently stroking at his cheek. Atem was always in wonder over how truly beautiful Yugi is. Everything about Yugi was so soft and inviting. Atem often thought of Yugi like a marshmallow – so sweet and enjoyable and tender. Even Yugi’s lips tasted so sweet. Truly, he had gotten so lucky to simply sleep next to Yugi. He didn’t understand how fate worked, but he was glad it did. Even in the pale moonlight, Yugi dazzled him. As tempted as he was to kiss Yugi again, he held himself back.

“It’s just... you were supposed to leave,” Yugi said, carefully examining Atem’s face for any signs of emotion as he said this. Not being able to read Atem’s thoughts had been strange at first but now it was painful. At one point, they had gotten so used to hearing the other’s thoughts that simply parting into two seperate bodies had been disorienting. Atem’s face betrayed little emotion, however. “And I can’t help but wonder... do you regret staying?”

This took Atem back and instantly Yugi saw the flash of emotion. Confusion. “No. I could never regret staying with you.”

“But... all your friends and family from Egypt were waiting for you in the next life,” Yugi said, concerned. “Don’t you miss them?”

“Of course,” Atem replied, figuring there was no point in dishonesty. This was the time for all the cards to be on the table, as it were. “I miss them very much. But for the past... oh, I don’t know. Two thousand years, I suppose, I lost all memory of them. For thousands of years, all I remembered was wandering in darkness. Then I awoke to light and you, aibou. For me, my friends and family in Egypt have long since been gone. My life with you has been all I knew for four years and as nice as remembering my friends and family in Egypt, one of my family members did betray me by stabbing me to death and my friends all got to grow old without me. I feel like I would have been missing out on something if I didn’t stay here and have the chance to actually... become an adult. And have a proper life. And doing all that with you and our friends sounds like a dream come true.”

In that, Yugi had no response. As much as he’d like to say that was it, he’d never have another nightmare based on that duel ever again, he knew it was a ridiculous idea. The dream never cared for what actually hapened nor did it care for whatever sweet words Atem might tell Yugi in real life. None of what happened mattered. It did not matter that Atem’s first choice when having a body again was to immediately pull Yugi in for a tender kiss. It did not matter that Yugi’s victory did not make Atem leave him forever. Yugi had been mourning before the duel ever began only to get to keep Atem. The emotions were strong and he was overwhelmed by them. Overwhelmed to the point where he didn’t know what he needed from Atem.

The two of them were still for a moment, soaking in each other. The fact that they were still together was amazing, really. For the longest time, it seemed like perhaps fate wanted to seperate them and had been working to tear them apart. Finally, Yugi moved to close the gap between them and kiss Atem again. He just wanted to soak in Atem for one more moment, to feel him close to him. While they would never get the intimacy of literally sharing a body back, a new avenue of intimacy had opened up that they hadn’t had before. Yugi reached for Atem’s hand, his fingers tangling with Atem’s and pushing Atem up against his headboard. Yes, this was nice. Atem was more than eager to melt into Yugi, sitting up ever so slightly as he reached to tangle a hand into Yugi’s hair.

They were breathless when they finally broke apart for air, Atem smiling. He had completely forgotten his nightmare. Both of them were certain that this would not be the last night either of them had a nightmare. However, as Atem pulled Yugi’s shirt, it seemed like none of their worries mattered anymore.


End file.
